


No one's (BTS) bitch

by NaraMerald



Series: Bangtan Sonyeodan [3]
Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Aged-up! Jungkook, Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Always a girl! Jin, Always a girl! Suga, Always a girl! V, BTS Festa, Embarrassed! Rap Monster, Frustrated! Jungkook, Gender or Sex Swap, June 13th, Laughing at everyone else! Suga, Leg Mon Tiger, Mentor! Seokjin, Merciless! Suga, Not prepared for this shit! Jimin, Oddly scared of tigers! Jimin, Sex Education, Sexpert! Seokjin, Stress! Rap Monster, Swearing, Sympathetic! Seokjin, Take my time! Jungkook, Totally down with it! V, Traumatised! J-Hope, Unconscious budding feminist! Jungkook, What Have I Done, rawr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-04-04 05:43:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4127259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaraMerald/pseuds/NaraMerald
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How would BTS change if they were a coed group?<br/>Or: BTS do a Trouble Maker inspired sexy concept. Jeongguk is going to kill Jimin and Taehyung. Slowly. (Or vice versa.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	No one's (BTS) bitch

**Author's Note:**

> Wasn’t gonna post this so close to School of Tears but… BTS Festa June 13! I tried to post it at like, 11:59 but it didn’t load in time. Devo. Anyhow, after deciding on some changes, at like, a shameful 00:23 June 14, I give you this… whatever this is. Man this just… Also I think maybe I have a problem with over-tagging.
> 
> Oh, also Chicken is a game where two people in vehicles drive straight at each other. The first one to flinch/ avoid collision loses. Similar threads of “who will back out first” to ‘Are you nervous?’. (I love ‘Are you nervous?’ fics- so unrepentant in where they’re headed ;)
> 
> You may need this later.  
> (http://38.media.tumblr.com/095d44f35e092cfeac6336a0204eb44b/tumblr_n6a7e8eU8k1tyhzszo1_500.gif) 
> 
> [For the visually inclined (see profile for my female Bangtan models... decided post-writing!)](http://naramerald.tumblr.com/post/122851610986/bantan-sonyeodan-series-visuals-1-6-no-ones)   
> 

_The four eldest members of BTS lay around their living room, waiting for Manager-nim to be done with the maknae line. They’d been gossiping for the last half hour._

_“Any bets as to when Jeongguk is going to snap?” Yoongi grinned, showing her teeth._

_“Yoongi!” Seokjin objected, pouting._

_“What! I’m just saying unni, the 95 line are driving him nuts. I don’t know whether their stupid game of sex chicken is cute, funny or crazy…” Yoongi mused._

_“… sex chicken…” Namjoon choked with laughter. “How does that even work?”_

_“Namjoon! Not the point!” Seokjin chided, prompting a rather lackluster “Sorry noona,”._

_“It’s not fair that maknae is being harassed, two on one!” Seokjin reminded them, feeling sympathetic to Jeongguk’s plight._

_“Do you think he’s objecting, noona?” Hoseok interjected, with a knowing gleam._

_“Um, yes, to everyone in his vicinity,” Yoongi sighed, lazily twisting her hair up into a makeshift bun with her fingers._

_“But really… does he want it to stop? Because if he wants it to stop, we’ll put a stop it straight away. But I think he’s interested… he is 19 now,” Hoseok reminded her seriously._

_“Well, let’s keep a watch… Let’s also have it not be me to give them the safe sex talk,” Namjoon finished hurriedly._

_“Oh no, you’re not getting out of that one. Let’s roll for it,” Yoongi grinned, grabbing a die._

_“There are four of us though…” Hoseok pointed out._

_“All the more fun if one of the poor kids gets it twice,” Yoongi grinned._

_“Should we go in gender?” Namjoon wondered._

_“Where’s the fun in that?” Yoongi shrugged mischievously, and even Seokjin offered no objection, snickering._

_“Noonas, you scare me,” Hoseok muttered._

_“Do we need like… display condoms?” He pointed out, wincing a little._

_“Leader’s job!” laughed Yoongi._

_“Probably lube as well,” Seokjin sighed. Yoongi looked a cross between amused and revolted, which was rather hypocritical since the whole thing was her idea. It was one thing to joke about it but to seriously accidentally visualize it was clearly not Yoongi’s cup of tea._

_“As leader I delegate to…” Namjoon began quickly._

_“No way!” came a chorus of replies instantly._

_“Why am I the leader?” Namjoon despaired._

_“So… who gets to talk with who…” Yoongi snickered, holding up the die._

_The die rolled, to groans and laughter, and the Maknae line’s fates were sealed. When they returned, they had no idea of the cause of the twinkle in their elders’ eyes._

_“Now,” Namjoon winked sleazily, “ …back to sex chicken….”_

 

...

 

Jeon Jeongguk’s thoughts about being in a co-ed group had originally been a little excitement, a little apathy, a little reservation and a lot of nerves. He hadn’t been sure he wanted to be in a band with girls, but he’d been old enough to know it might grow to be a good thing and it might grow to be a bad thing. He’d blatantly blocked out the ‘orgy’ jokes flying around the Big Hit trainees, and once Yoongi had started swinging at anyone who mentioned it, the jokes died a quick death and he forgot about it all. 

He hadn’t been sure about the girls’ conviction regarding hip hop, until he met Yoongi. In hindsight, he’d been a bit sexist, but that misconception was cleared up quickly enough. It was meeting Yoongi who convinced Jeongguk in a roundabout way that girls were just boys… who were girls. 

Well… that explanation was one that he could maybe work on. Seokjin-noona was like his big sister slash second mother, and Tae was- she was Tae. When they started, she might as well have been a boy too. Honestly they weren’t that close until Jimin arrived, managing to somehow claw some of Tae’s attention from Hoseok and onto Jimin and for some reason, Jeongguk. 

Something about Jimin’s irrepressible cheerfulness, his outrage at Jeongguk’s lack of respect, his antics, his latching on to the others in an effort to form bonds as the last member of Bangtan… it all meant that he was determined to get close to Jeongguk, and Jeongguk, much as he huffed in annoyance, didn’t really mind it. Though he was close to Seokjin and Namjoon, it was good to be closer to others his age. With Jimin and his energy, inevitably came Taehyung. 

Taehyung, who had been that weird genderless (to him, at least) kid, who spoke about Aliens and loved Hobi-oppa (mainly because, in Jeongguk’s expert opinion, he spoilt her) suddenly found out four things successively: 

1) That when hanging with Jimin instead of Seokjin, Jeongguk was suddenly vulnerable. 

2) That when hanging with Jimin and Taehyung, Jeongguk would regress to his actual age and have fun. 

3) That Jeongguk’s bark was worse than his bite. 

4) That Jeongguk, and annoying Jeongguk, was fun. 

Things were never the same, and that was before Taehyung’s pre-debut makeover. Oh consciously he’d always been aware she was a girl. She dressed up with Seokjin (she pouted when Seokjin insisted she wear a higher cut top or a lower cut skirt, or told her that her lipstick didn’t match - Tae rarely cared) but it hadn’t really ever had anything to do with him. 

Then when they were friends, she’d go days or even weeks in sweat pants or anime/character shirts, in baggy comfortable outfits. But sometimes, she’d actually dress up nicely. And Jeongguk had been literally speechless the first time she (unconsciously, that time) leant over in front of him in a tank top. (Jimin had unwittingly saved him by whistling loudly and distracting her attention. He’d expected her to blush, not deliberately jiggle.) But at the time, her teasing had been by accident, rather than design, and Jimin’s gentle sleaze had actually been fairly perfunctory. He still sighs regretfully, even thinking about that (more) golden time.

Regarding their comeback, Jeon Jeongguk’s thoughts had been somewhat ambivalent- nervous, excited, vaguely creeped out at the thought of how amped up the fans might get, relieved he wasn’t dressed in pastel… Honestly the thought of a sexy comeback pushed his mind away from sex, not towards it most of the time. 

And then Taehyung and Jimin began teasing him in earnest. Their previously good-natured sleaze (a combination resulting from being naturally playful, open and occasionally over-sharing - Park Jimin could not keep silent to save himself) became rather more heated and deliberate. Something about the sexy concept kicked them into overdrive, and for some reason the focus of their attention seemed to be him. It wasn’t just the endless sexual innuendos that he never seemed to pick up until far too late. Or even the poking, prodding, touching, licking (licking!), pinching,… the winking… 

It was the fact that he couldn’t tell whether they were just playing with him. He never seemed to have the upper hand, and it was making him increasingly paranoid. That said, after the past few weeks especially, it was going to be hard to shock him and make him blush. ( _He couldn’t believe Taehyung had imitated fellatio in the middle of their MV filming… while staring directly at him the whole time._ )

Thus Jeon Jeongguk had a new operating procedure and some short-term goals: 

1\. Treat everything that Jimin and Tae utter with suspicion until proven not innuendo.  
(This was working very well for him, as most of what they said to him was actually innuendo. They could make _anything_ seem filthy.) 

2\. Become used to their constant skin ship and touching.  
(This was… well he was getting there. He could avoid gasping and jumping, looking stoic on the outside but on the inside he had a quiet meltdown every time.)

3\. Never, ever admit that those dreams were about Jimin and Taehyung, let alone both of them.  
(Also, don't think of them. It’s for his own sanity. Those two are driving him crazy in waking and sleeping life. He hardly ever remembers his dreams, he definitely doesn’t want the few he does remember to be kissing Jimin and Taehyung before they turn into giant chickens and chase him down the street. He shudders just thinking about it.) 

Jeongguk knew he just had to get over it, and eventually they’d give up. 

“BANGTAN KITCHEN MEETING!” Namjoon shouts, and Jeongguk is torn from his musings. Ambling to the kitchen, he’s slightly bewildered by the odd atmosphere. Seokjin-noona looks a cross between amused, solemn and exasperated, Namjoon-hyung is blushing red, Yoongi-noona is snickering and very pleased about something and Hoseok-hyung has his eyebrows raised and seems a cross between amused and embarrassed. 

Jeongguk is officially confused. What is going on? He hopes it isn’t punishment. He does not want to wear a maid costume, or any girl costume again. Or any costume at all, really. Not his thing- more Tae’s.

Namjoon begins mumbling something that is actually incomprehensible. Jeongguk stares. 

“Um, hyung, … what are you saying?” Jimin is clearly as bewildered as he is. When he slides his glance sideways, Taehyung has her ‘intrigued’ face on. Whatever is causing the odd atmosphere, only their elders know about it. It makes him suspicious. Jeongguk is a generally suspicious (now also slightly paranoid) person, unlike Jimin who would probably get into a blacked out van for candy. Tae definitely would, but because she wanted candy, not because she trusted the strangers. 

“We’re going to do some team work exercises today,” Seokjin says smoothly, and all eyes swing to her. 

“Teamwork?” Taehyung echoes, her face looking hilariously vacant when bewildered. 

“Jiminie, you’re coming to the studio with Namjoon and I,” Yoongi informs him. Jimin mutters a confused “okay”, edging over towards them. 

“Jeonggukkie, you’re with me. We’re staying here to make dinner,” Seokjin tells him, and he nods, still mystified. Namjoon is continuing to avoid eye contact. Yoongi is still looking frighteningly amused. 

“TaeTae, you’re with me. We’re going to the studio,” Hoseok has an odd look on his face, and ignoring it, Taehyung skips over to nudge him. 

“Let’s go then oppa!” she declares, running to grab her stuff. 

Seokjin watches them go, before giving Namjoon and Yoongi look, communicating something. Finally, Yoongi still snickering, the older two drag Jimin out and then it is just Jeongguk and Seokjin. 

“Noona, what’s going on?” he asks flatly. 

“Sit down, Jeonggukkie. We’re going to have a talk,” Seokjin-noona states calmly, and this is when his foreboding feeling rapidly increases. She putters around in the kitchen, getting two cups of tea, and placing them in front of him. 

“What-” he begins cautiously. 

“Taetae and Jiminie have been hanging off of you a bit lately, haven’t they?” Seokjin states, taking a sip of her tea. 

“Uh…” Jeongguk’s brain scrambles for the correct response, trying to work out her angle. She’s kind of sprung this on him.

“Is it welcome?” Seokjin asks, and Jeongguk just stares at her, jaw dropped. Seokjin waits a few minutes, then realizing she is getting nowhere, rephrases. 

“Do you want us to tell them not to invade your space, and touch you?” Seokjin asks, and because he can tell she is so serious, he holds back his initial shout of “Yes!”. 

“I think they’d be upset, noona,” he comments truthfully, because they would be hurt and he knows their teasing is good-natured. It is frustrating at times, but not a huge issue.

“Yes, but if they are upsetting you, then it’s important for you to feel safe and comfortable too,” Seokjin states bluntly. He can tell she means it 100%, her slender jaw and delicate features sterner than he normally sees. It feels like he’s back at school and it’s not entirely welcome. He’s an adult damn it, even internationally now!

“They’re not bullying me, noona,” he mutters, embarrassed, looking down at his hands. 

“As long as you are okay with it,” she says, watching him sharply as she stirs her tea. 

“You seem frustrated…” she adds, tilting her head to the side. 

“They always have the upper hand!” the words burst out of him before he even thinks about it. 

“Ah, Jeonggukkie, would you like some advice then?” Seokjin smiles, glossy lips curving up slightly. He figures he might as well at this point. It isn’t like the talk can get any more embarrassing, right? And Seokjin-noona’s always been there for him, since back when they first joined Big Hit.

“Sure,” he grunts, knowing he is blushing, playing idly with his earring. 

“One thing that you have, that Jiminie and Tae don’t, is patience, and observance. They’re looking for your weak spots, and they think they’ve found them. They’re not guarding their own,” Seokjin muses, and Jeongguk blinks, listening carefully, leaning forward. 

“You need to find out what will push them back, make them be the ones without the upper hand. You need to get them off guard.” 

“How… how do I do that, noona?” Jeongguk will never admit to having responded; is never, ever going to tell anyone about this conversation. Ever. 

“Watch them. See how they react. Do something, step back, and look for their reaction. Note their reactions and then try different things. Look for signs of arousal,” Seokjin informs him coolly. He flushes bright red and looks anywhere but at her. 

“...” Words do not come. Jeongguk is literally sitting with his mouth hanging open staring past Seokjin at a wall. 

“Some signs to look for, are heavy breathing, increased heart rate, large pupils… being distracted, having their eyes on your lips or parts of your body, difficulty talking or following your thinking, swallowing, being flushed and hot, shifting restlessly, rubbing their thighs together to create friction…” Seokjin informs him. 

“Harded nipples, men may get an erection.” She continues. 

“Noona!” he squeaks, eyes wide open in shock, because _where did this even come from?!_

“Touching, like they’ve done to you, often throws people off guard. Faces, lips, necks, thighs, waists, stroking wrists… touching them, or touching yourself can be equally distracting if you do it right.” 

Jeongguk is speechless. What is even happening right now? This isn’t reality, is it?

“Even moving into their physical space- you’re bigger than both of them now. You can see how they react to that. Of course- if they or you are uncomfortable, you should stop. Intense eye contact, when wielded well, often works. Do they react to confidence? Or cuteness? Power over them? Or them having power? Do they wait passively, push back or pull you in? Do they angle their bodies toward you when you’re in the room?” Seokjin lists, eyes distant, as if she’s not even really talking to him, but then her gaze snaps back to his face. 

“You don’t need to do anything with this information, Jeongguk. You shouldn’t do anything you’re not ready for, no matter what. But when you are ready, there’s some information you need to have,” Seokjin bends over, and pulls some things out of a bag under the table… 

“NOONA!” Jeongguk practically moans, head in his hands, and this must be the most embarrassing part of his life right here. He sat through sex ed years ago- both in school and from Big Hit. Why?! He stares at the condoms and lubricant in despair.

“Don’t worry, the other two are having this talk as well,” Seokjin murmurs with a smile, before adding under her breath “… I think Yoongi was going to talk about handcuffs…” and Jeongguk’s mind is just too far gone in shock to process that fully. 

“Look at it this way… at least you don’t have Yoongi and Namjoon,” she tries again, and yes, actually that does make him feel better. 

“Don’t you think it’s… kind of inappropriate… for a girl to be giving a boy a talk on sex?” Jeongguk wonders aloud, leaning back, his brain skirting the topic for his own sanity. 

“We had very good reasons for these pairings,” Seokjin informs him somewhat haughtily, without elaborating, before abruptly picking up the condoms, and a banana. 

“Noona no, no no… I did that in high school…” Jeongguk practically cries. 

“Then it will be easy to do it now… first of all, pinch the tip…” 

 

… 

 

By the time he’s rolled his condom onto the stupid banana, and resolved never to think about why Seokjin seems to be such an expert at this, his hands are sticky-slimy, his innocence is now maybe completely gone, and Seokjin hasn’t finished torturing him yet. 

“So we’ve talked about why condoms are so important and sexual health and STDs… we’ve talked about how important consent is, but now we need to talk about lubricant. Because that’s important for both women and men,” Seokjin informs him, holding up the tube and passing it to him. 

Weakly, Jeongguk takes it, staring at it helplessly. He’s given up trying to protest, and he’s in a state of just wanting to curl up and rock back and forth. 

“You can never use too much lubricant. It’s good to use with women, especially if they aren’t prepared enough. It’s absolutely necessary with men, or there will be a lot of damage,” Seokjin says seriously, and Jeongguk doesn’t know whether to have a mini freakout that she’s teaching him at all, that she’s automatically teaching him about both genders (is he that transparent?) or shudder at the word ‘damage’. 

Fuck. 

“When having anal sex with men or women, lubricant is necessary, as is stretching. You will need to add one finger at a time…” 

“NOONA, I’VE WATCHED PORN BEFORE OKAY! I KNOW HOW IT WORKS!” Jeongguk practically shrieks, uncaring of what he may be inadvertently admitting. He just wants to make it stop. 

‘That’s good, it’s perfectly natural although remember porn isn’t real or realistic at times. Also be very careful about how you access it and what you do in general in regards to being seen. Korean citizens are not very forgiving,” Seokjin tells him, undeterred, as if this in conjunction with his paranoia wasn’t the number one reason he gets zero action for a hallyu star. (Seokjin, Namjoon and manager-nim are also bigger cockblocks than they might ever know.) 

Finally Seokjin decides enough is enough, and goes into the kitchen. Through a haze of abject horror and humiliation, he can hear the sounds of pots and pans rattling as she begins to prepare dinner. It’s about another 5 minutes before he even thinks about standing, mechanically putting the condoms and lube in his pockets, and another 5 again before he makes it to the couch in shock, turning on the TV and staring blankly ahead. 

At some point, he registers voices, and then a weight sits down on the couch. When he finally acknowledges the presence, Jimin looks just as traumatised and blank as him. They don’t talk, and Jeongguk does his best to ignore Yoongi, Seokjin and Namjoon’s voices coming from the kitchen. 

Time passes and Taehyung and Hoseok come back, the former heading straight for the couch and the latter making a beeline for the elders in the kitchen. 

“Hold up…” Taehyung pauses, stopping to look at them both. He’s not sure what she sees but it seems to cause her great amusement. 

“Did we all get a ‘growing up’ talk today?” Taehyung asks laughing, before continuing to plonk herself down carelessly. 

Jimin lets out a sound that could be a whimper. 

“Nope. Nope. Nope.” Jeongguk takes a moment to realize that he’s speaking aloud. Officially, he is operating on the assumption that the last few hours were simply a horrible nightmare. 

“C’mon Chim Chim, why are you so shocked? We’re all adults,” Taehyung asks, teasingly. 

“Namjoon-hyung and Yoongi-noona… it was like my dad explaining sex ed to me while my grandma told me tales from her misspent youth,” Jimin groans, shuddering. 

“Yoongi-unni!” Tae says appreciatively, while Jeongguk pulls himself together enough to snark “Misspent youth… finally found a dictionary did you?” 

“And Kookie’s back online,” Tae crows. Jeongguk doesn’t know that being ‘back online’ is a good thing. 

“How was Seokjin-unni?” She asks. Jeongguk physically recoils, shaking a bit. 

“Awww, poor maknae!” Tae laughs, before saying “Look what I got! Free stuff!” and pulling out… 

Jeongguk maybe throws up a little in his mouth. He’ll never be able to have sex if all he can remember is the humiliation of Seokjin-noona making him roll the condom onto the banana whenever he sees condoms and lube. Actually… maybe that was the strategy all along… 

“Put them away Tae. It’s too soon…” Jimin practically cries. 

“Wrap it before you tap it!” Tae reminds, dangling the condom cheerily. 

His life. Ugh. 

 

…

 

The subsequent days following “the talk” (as it is referred to between him and Jimin) are awkward. 

Jimin can’t look at Yoongi in particular, without looking oddly embarrassed, creeped out and intrigued simultaneously. Jeongguk can’t look at Seokjin without seeing his older-sister-figure speaking expertly on how to have anal sex. Hoseok can’t seem to look at Taehyung at all, who laughingly tells them that she did most of the talking in their session. 

… and what does that even mean? Jeongguk’s mind shies away from that one rapidly. 

He and Jimin bond over their mutual desire for death during their talks, and Taehyung, without her partner in crime, actually backs off for about a week while Bangtan deals with the weirdness. 

(“And then Yoongi-noona said “Keys… never ever lock and lose…”  
“That’s nothing, Seokjin-noona used the word “damage” in a talk about _anal sex_.”  
“Namjoon-hyung was more embarrassed than me, he just kept making these weird whining sounds like he was dying… or …having sex – why did I even think that- oh fuck I hope that’s not what he sounds like having sex…”  
“Oh fuck, why would you even-”  
Jeongguk and Jimin shudder in unison.)

That said, it only takes about a week of hard choreo, endless singing, late nights, and awful costumes to get Bangtan back to normal. 

Tae’s grin is the only warning he gets before she’s back to her old tricks. 

 

… 

 

“Kookie…” 

He shakes his head, trying to avoid the sound and go back to sleep. 

“Koooookieeeee…” the voice chants, but seriously, he just… 

Jeongguk tries to roll over. 

“Kookie…” the voice is pouting. He does not fucking care. 

Still half asleep, Jeongguk goes to push the voice away when he hears a husky “Hello there!” and realizes his hand is on something unusual… something squishy… 

Jeongguk’s mind makes some half assed connections that suddenly come together frighteningly quickly and he sits up instantly, accidentally headbutting Taehyung and sending them both reeling. 

Jeongguk’s head aches, it’s too fucking early in the morning, why the fuck is Tae in his room… Park fucking Jimin is laughing. He’s laughing so hard there are literally tears in his eyes. He’s trying to say something but all he can do is wheeze incoherently. Prick. 

“How rude Kookie. Didn’t Seokjin-unni tell you not to grab a woman’s chest and then head butt her?” Taehyung complains from the floor. Jimin is still wheezing, an odd sort of grunting sound like he can’t get enough air, his sleep shirt riding up his ribs far enough that Jeongguk can see with a savage sort of vindictiveness that his abs are starting to melt.

Then Jeongguk registers the “grab a woman’s chest” part and wants to groan. He’s learnt quickly though, that this would only prolong the agony. A few minutes pass before Jeongguk realizes- 

“Why the fuck were you _on my bed?_ ” he says, somewhat sourly, his hair sticking up as he tries to pat it down subtly. 

“Touchy touchy. Literally,” Taehyung snickers, clambering back on up to his bed, as if he hadn’t indicated pretty fucking clearly that she could go literally anywhere else but their room right now. 

“Oh my fucking god are you trying to kill me…” Jeongguk whines, rather more dramatically then he usually would, but it’s fucking early in the morning and he was woken up only to accidentally assault his band mate. 

“I think I broke him,” Tae announces vaguely to Jimin, only he’s still pretty much out for the count too, more tears coming out of his eyes than when his favourite character died in the movie they watched last weekend. 

“I think I broke them both,” Tae muses to herself, before settling herself more comfortably on his bed, her oversized sleep shirt billowing around her. 

Jeongguk is so. fucking. over. this. And yeah maybe he’s stroppy from lack of sleep, but he is going to kill them both and no one will ever find the bodies. 

“Kookie?” Tae sounds vaguely uncertain. 

Jeongguk realizes he is staring at her, probably pretty menacingly, considering he’s imagining putting his hands on her neck and squeezing right now. 

Unbidden, Seokjin’s voice comes to him, _“Even moving into their physical space- you’re bigger than both of them now. You can see how they react to that.”_

Jeongguk is still staring at Taehyung, and he can see it’s beginning to freak her out. Her eyes are widening minutely as she begins to lean back slightly, grimacing as if she realizes maybe she’s gone too far. 

Jeongguk schools his face, determined to stay menacingly expressionless. He puts his hand down on the bed towards her and moving onto his hands and knees, stalks forward slowly. 

“Kookie- ah, I… don’t be mad…” Tae’s voice gets higher pitched as she begins edging her way backwards and Jeongguk doesn’t take his eyes off her to watch Jimin’s reaction, continuing to gaze right at her. 

He continues, knees indenting the bedspread as he moves forward towards her and now he’s right in front of her. He’s not usually one to approach them and invade their space, so she’s still inching back, surprised. He sincerely hopes she doesn’t realize… 

He moves his knee forward, face heading so close to hers, glaring silently and attempting to tower over her that he almost misses the split second where she ‘eep’s, tries to move back and runs out of bed space. The look of horror and surprise on her face as she overbalances and falls backwards off his bed is one he will genuinely treasure forever. 

Jimin cracks up again, pointing and laughing at Tae this time, as she sulkily looks at Jeongguk, seeming vaguely betrayed. 

“What was that Jeon Jeongguk?!” She cries, pointing a finger at him. Her cheeks are red. 

“That was you falling off of the bed, noona,” Jeongguk snickers, before resettling himself, ready to go back to sleep. Jimin laughs harder and Taehyung turns to him, even more betrayed. 

“Park Jimin your abs are melting!” she snarks, before sulkily moving to the door and then flipping them off as she leaves. Classic. 

He ignores Jimin’s sulking, and thinks that maybe some of Seokjin’s advice isn’t so bad. As long as he blocks out literally everything else she said. 

 

… 

 

He gets a few days reprieve after that, with Jimin eyeing him consideringly and Taehyung eyeing him cautiously. He sees Seokjin watching them, often glancing between him, Jimin and Taehyung, amused. His mind scurries away from the implications of this rather rapidly. 

They have a magazine shoot, a huge spread for Japanese mag, and that’s when things get confusing again. They dress and go for group shots and of course, their infamous sexy dance ‘couples’. 

“What do you think about being in a love triangle?” the interview asks Tae, while Hoseok and Jin are posing for the camera, and he can practically feel Namjoon-hyung breathing down all their backs. They had very clear guidelines about how they were supposed to answer and Tae’s dorm-only jokes of “Triangle? Psh, nah we all get it awn!” are most certainly banned. But she goes off script anyway, and it draws his attention. 

“Well it’s hard you know? Park Jimin, he’s such a hard worker and believes so much in romance. He’s reliable, he’s fun, he reciprocates. Park Jimin would be a great boyfriend because he’d absolutely care, and he’d spend all his time and energy making his girlfriend feel loved,” Taehyung says this perfectly innocently, like she doesn’t know everyone’s hanging on her every word. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Yoongi-noona rubbing comforting circles on Namjoon-hyung’s shoulder. He’s clearly stressing about her not spitting out the pre-decided lines. 

“What a catch!” The interpreter translates and the interviewer laughs. Jeongguk wonders if he’s going to get a mention, and if yes, what she’ll say. 

“Jungkookie though… he’s a wildcard. Sometimes he’s so distant and focused, he can be really intense, so he catches you by surprise when he turns around and does cute or sweet things! Our maknae is going to make someone very happy one day,” Tae announces happily, and Jeongguk doesn’t really know how to take this. What does that even mean? Is it good or bad? 

“But V… don’t forget V. She’s a firecracker- full of energy! She has so much passion and is very creative, ” Jimin breaks in, and the interviewer and translator turn to him. 

“Life will never be boring with V as your girlfriend!” Jimin gives a friendly thumbs up. 

“Would you date her?” The interpreter asks, and he can feel Namjoon glaring a hole into their backs. 

“BTS are like siblings,” Jeongguk inserts hurriedly; wary of where this is going. “V-noona and Jimin-hyung are like my older brother and sister,” he clarifies for the reporter, who was no-doubt looking to take them into a more risqué direction. 

He looks quickly to Jimin, but Jimin’s face is somewhat blank under his friendly persona, and Jeongguk finds it a little unsettling. Namjoon’s gaze, when he checks for reassurance, is approving and grateful. They have to be careful, so careful with this concept. Big Hit and LeaderMon also reminded him that as the maknae, he has to be particularly careful not to tarnish his sweet and innocent image too much. 

(It goes without saying that a romantic disaster like Seungri’s would have been a death sentence for anyone in BTS, not that he even wanted to contemplate Big Bang’s maknae’s particular… proclivities. They’re still floating around in the Japanese media.) 

They hang around just long enough to hear Namjoon give in and discuss Yoongi as a girlfriend. 

“Any guy’d be lucky to have Suga, but they’d have to step up!” Namjoon begins, with a teasing grin at Yoongi. “They’d have to wake her up very gently in the mornings, but when she woke she’d be cute even when grumbling…” He says teasingly, and that’s all Jeongguk hears before the crush triangle gets called for their shoot. 

They’re wearing a sort of ratty punk look à la his War of Hormones sweater, with Taehyung jammed into beanie and a black and white oversized sweater that is… it’s really short. She doesn’t get pants and it’s really, really short. She’s got dark red lipstick and toe nail polish that really sticks out among their monochrome colour scheme. Did he mention it was short?

Jeongguk tears his eyes away, before looking to Jimin, who’s in a sweater with such a low v neckline it’d be useless to wear in winter. It’s pointlessly thin and looks super soft. Jimin gets a lot of pastels, he muses idly. At least they’re trying to disguise their attempts to show off his muscles in this shoot. He himself is wearing a thin, see through white t-shirt with a black woolen cardigan that’s so loosely knitted as to practically be oversized mesh. They’ve all got plenty of eyeliner on. It’s a weird combination of ‘high fashion’ and ‘comfort’, and really, Jeongguk thinks, they all just look a bit stupid. 

They end up lying on a long couch, Jeongguk in the middle, and then the Taehyung and Jimin lying on either side of him with their heads in his lap and him leaning on the couch with his head tipped back carelessly. They do a range of looks including eyes closed, eyes partially closed and sort of nonchalantly seductive. He does quietly snicker at Taehyung’s “Date rape pose man” comment, because yeah, they do all look kind of drugged out in some of their shots and it’s weird and disturbing that people find that fashionable. He can practically hear Yoongi-noona ranting about consent and thinks she might have a point here… Maybe she’s rubbing off on him.

Then they sit Jimin up next to Jeongguk and turn Taehyung so that her legs are on top of them and Jimin can’t help himself, running his hands up her legs and grinning “Silky smooth Tae”, to which she waggles her toes and mutters “Suck ‘em” quietly. 

“Ew, really?” Jeongguk comments back under his breath. 

“Well everyone has their kink Jeonggukie, what’s yours?” Jimin says patronizingly. Jeongguk’s not even surprised this is their banter anymore. 

“Yes, keep talking to each other,” The photographer encourages, unable to hear what they’re actually saying, and Taehyung deliberately shifts her legs just to be annoying. Jeongguk thinks back to Seokjin’s words and wonders if he’s really about to do what he thinks he might be about to do. 

_“Faces, lips, necks, thighs, waists, stroking wrists… touching them, or touching yourself can be equally distracting if you do it right.”_

Shifting nonchalantly, he pulls a hand up and places it on Taehyung’s leg, just below her knee, which is currently over Jimin’s lap. He drums his fingers on her leg and feels her tense in surprise. 

“My kinks…” He muses quietly, as if he is about to continue, as if he truly has an answer for them. 

“Bold, Kookie. But don’t you only see us as siblings? I’m afraid I’m definitely not into that kind of kink,” Jimin snarks, looking at Jeongguk’s hand on Taehyung’s leg. 

“I don’t know… Hitachiin twins… Ouran High…” Taehyung singsongs quietly. 

“Wow, really?” Jimin asks, actually turning to look right at her. The photographer keeps clicking away.

“Two at once…?” Jeongguk is not really startled so much as commenting idly, as Jimin starts massaging one of Tae’s feet. 

“Living the dream Kookie,” Tae says languidly, clearly appreciating Jimin’s hands. 

“Nice. Verbal high five,” Jimin murmurs. 

“You two are ridiculous,” Jeongguk says, really more for lack of something else to say. 

“You wouldn’t?” Jimin now turns to look at him, and Jeongguk is reminded that he’s right next to him and he can feel Jimin’s leg bounce restlessly, before he remembers they’re in a photoshoot and stills it. 

Jeongguk doesn’t know how to answer that question, because he’s known for a while now the answer isn’t necessarily no, provided the right people are involved. Provided, perhaps, that it’s the people on either side of him. He remains silent for a beat too long.

“Didn’t say no, Kookie,” Taehyung laughs, her voice lower than usual, “Well, well, well, maknae does have some kinks after all.” 

Jeongguk, wanting to silence her, quietly drags his other hand up to pinch the underside of her leg. 

“Ow!” Taehyung yelps, startlingly loud and giving Jimin a heart attack. The photographer pauses, but doesn’t say anything, curious to see where this is going. Taehyung notices with an evil smile, and picks up the cushion, but Jeongguk isn’t dumb and dodges, resulting in Jimin’s face being smacked with a pillow. His expression is priceless.

They can see the others groaning and face palming off to the side, but the photographer seems quite happy, and at the end of their playfight, they relinquish the photographer to Yoongi and Namjoon, who is muttering “Years off my life… years…”. 

 

… 

 

They get home after the photoshoot and have a lazy afternoon. Jeongguk, (who is maybe still avoiding Seokjin-noona and being alone with her in the kitchen aka ‘that place of trauma’) battles Namjoon-hyung and Yoongi-noona on X-Box and comes out roughly even. Tae, Hoseok and Jimin are having a girl group choreo mini-party in the girls’ room (Hoseok singing “gidahae” into Tae’s hairbrush) and the day fades gently into night. 

The nights when the maknae line relax are the best. They can sneak out to the rather uninspiring gray rooftop of their building under the cover of darkness, and just sit, backs against the wall, staring out into the warm nights. (It goes without saying that this is a summer past time. They tried it in winter once and lasted about a minute.) 

Namjoon-hyung and Yoongi-noona had headed to the studio, tracking a potential song for them while they were inspired, Hoseok and Seokjin are watching a documentary. When Taehyung looks upwards (as if she can see through the roof, and honestly, it’s so weird when she does that), Jimin automatically stands, looking to him, and he just falls in line. They traipse up the stairs, reluctantly taking the small load of washing to hang on the line. It’s only pretty generic stuff- most of their underwear gets dried out inside after the creepy photos surfaced of their roof washing. 

They trudge up (4 sets of stairs is really too much, he huffs, and how is it that he works out for hours every day and is nearly defeated by the stairs in his own building?) before Tae lets out a wistful sigh and slides down against the wall, Jimin sliding next to her. Jeongguk determinedly doesn’t think about the dirt and dust on the wall as he does the same, sitting on Jimin’s other side. 

“Jimin in the middle!” Tae crows softly. 

“Like ‘piggy in the middle’?” Jimin stumbles over the foreign phrase awkwardly. 

“Jiggy in the middle!” Taehyung laughs to Jimin’s “Aww yeah!”. 

“No, just no…” Jeongguk can’t even. 

“So how has everyone been?” Taehyung asks congenially, like they’re at afternoon tea. 

“Tae, babe, we live with each other,” Jimin informs her. 

“So?! Kookie could have found a unicorn in the toilet this morning for all we know!” 

“The only unicorn he’d find is-” And that’s Jeongguk’s cue to step in. 

“We’re good. How about you Tae Tae?” he offers, humouring her. 

“I want a pet tiger,” Tae decides abruptly, sighing gustily. 

Jimin and Jeongguk don’t even ask why. 

“Just think, imagine how fucking cool it would be if we had a pet tiger,” She continues, enthused. 

“It’d be pretty swag…” Jeongguk lets himself be swayed by this idea, picturing the ferocious orange beast roaring at their haters. 

“Jeonggukie, how are you on board with this?! It’d eat us!” Jimin looks at him like he’s crazy, and yeah, it is a reversal of how he’s normally shooting down Tae and Jimin, but everyone’s gotta cave sometime. 

“But a tiiiiiiiiger Chim Chim! Rawr!” Tae swipes her hands into a claw. 

“What’s it gonna eat Tae? My legs! That’s what it’s gonna eat!” Jimin sounds vaguely panicked, and Jeongguk thinks, oddly specific… 

“Rawrrrrrr!” Tae repeats, getting on all fours and making more claw hands. 

“No Tae!” Jimin protests, and she pounces, pushing him back onto Jeongguk who laughs and nudges him back upright. 

“C’mon Kookie!” Taehyung stares, imploringly, (as does Jimin, actually, but for opposite reasons) and normally Jeongguk wouldn’t but… 

Pausing for a moment, he stares deadpan at them both for a minute, expressionless, (Jimin thinks he’s won) and then, lifting his hands, says clearly “Rawr.” 

Taehyung bursts into laughter like this is literally the funniest thing she’s ever heard and Jimin looks betrayed. 

“How could you man…” Jimin whines. Taehyung takes this as her cue to continue. 

“So basically, we get this white tiger from when it’s tiny…” Taehyung ignores him and begins narrating. Tae’s got a fantastic imagination and can come up with such detailed and outlandish stories that Bangtan never fail to be entertained. (Alas, this also works with more x-rated stories, and she is banned from telling these in public after… well it was embarrassing and Hoseok forbid anyone from talking about it ever again.) 

“Didn’t some Hollywood star grow up with a tiger?” Jeongguk asks, remembering seeing something online. 

“Nah man, it was a lion. Had to give it back after it ate their legs though,” Tae says seriously, and Jimin hisses in alarm for a moment, going rigid, before Jeongguk can’t help himself and starts laughing helplessly, falling against Jimin. He’s too easy, really. 

“TAE!” Jimin yells. 

“CHIM!” Taehyung yells right back, totally guilt free. Jeongguk’s still snickering and Jimin nudges him in agitation but doesn’t push him off. It’s so nice and relaxed, Jeongguk’s in a good mood. 

“Anyway, so it’s tiny and cute and for the first like, months it’s so small Namjoon keeps it in his pocket. Like this tiny white kitty in his pocket, just batting at the air every so often. We name it leg-eater…” Taehyung begins, “…no wait, Leg Monster,” she decides. 

“Fuck off,” Jimin sulks slightly, slightly mollified by Taehyung poking her tongue out at him cutely. 

“I still love you hyung!” Jeongguk makes an aegyo heart at him cheekily. 

“Yah! Why do you only call me hyung when you’re being rude…” Jimin narrows his eyes at Jeongguk, but he’s not really angry and they know it. Park Jimin can never stay angry for long. 

“And Leg Monster is like, this striped white furball of adorable doom. Like a male version of Yoongi-unni.” 

“Like… a tiger version of Yoongi-noona?” He suggests drily to her. 

“Like an adorable male tiger version of Yoongi-unni,” Taehyung modifies. 

“Like a complete fucking killing machine that lives only for annihilation,” Jimin mutters, as if this is different from non-tiger Yoongi when she’s on the warpath. 

“Did you like… get attacked by a tiger as a kid?” Jeongguk asks, mystified. It’s odd for Jimin to be this repeatedly negative about something. 

“I had a bad experience at the zoo once,” Jimin mumbles. Tae and Jeongguk stare at each other, skeptical about how traumatic it really could have been, but stay quiet. It’s rather more diplomatic than normal and Namjoon-hyung would be proud. 

“Anyway, Leg Monster- or Leg Mon, as we call him, is just this lazy cat. And he’s your best friend Jimin. No don’t look at me like that, you love him.” (Jimin looks highly skeptical.) 

“Every morning we get up and Jimin is all ‘Aww Leg Mon!’ and he playfully wakes Jimin up by batting at his face in the mornings. And Jimin sort of hugs him and sings to him quietly in the shower, because Leg Mon just loves Jimin so much he sits in the bathroom and yowls along with Jimin’s shower singing. Then he trots out and sits on a chair in the kitchen while Seokjin-unni makes breakfast and she sings to him as well…” Taehyung nods. Jeongguk can actually picture this. It’s frightening how persuasive Tae can be… but maybe also how ridiculous Bangtan can be. 

“And then Leg Mon goes to the studio with Namjoon-oppa and Yoongi-unni, and he has this little BTS beanie and chain necklace for super swag,” Taehyung continues, and Jeongguk is honestly starting to feel sorry for poor imaginary Leg Mon Tiger at this point. 

“When they come home, Hobi-oppa and I have dance class and Leg Mon dances with us. Like, we’ve taught him some combo moves and everything. Then when we go home, we play hide and seek with Leg Mon and it’s amazing.” Yep, he can see that too. 

“Kookie doesn’t play anymore because he always lost,” Tae adds, and Jimin, who seems to be gradually warming to Leg Mon Tiger, snickers. “… so instead, when he wants to angst, he picks up Leg Mon, wearing him like a magnificent fur cape of man pain, and then stares off dramatically into the night.” 

What. 

Jimin bursts into hysterical laughter. 

“Oh my god, Jeongguk emoing around with the tiger…” Jimin wheezes. 

“His name, Park Jimin, is Leg Mon,” Taehyung rolls her eyes as if that is the insult. 

Jeongguk is still lost for words. Tae takes this as the signal to continue on. 

“Then, having spent all day with his beloved Noonas and Hyungs, Leg Mon gently eases his way under the covers to cuddle his best bro Chim Chim. And thus ends another day in the life of BTS Leg Mon,” Taehyung sighs, like she’s just read a lovely fairytale. 

“No,” Jeongguk states outright. 

“Oh NOW you don’t want the tiger…” Jimin mutters. They trail off into silence, Jeongguk still sulking about being referred to as emo. 

“Hey, I love you both, you know,” Tae muses suddenly into the night sky. The stars are twinkling, the weather is a perfect comforting warmth and they don’t have a schedule tomorrow. Life is great. 

“Bros forever,” Jimin says lazily, fist bumping them both. 

“Sexy bros forever,” Taehyung chirps happily. They look towards him expectantly and he regrets it but it’s inevitable. He must. 

“Rawr,” he adds, and both of them can’t help laughing. He loves them both too. 

 

… 

 

Did he say he loves them? Surely not. After a grueling vocal lesson where he has to redo this one frustrating bit again and again, he just wants a bit of chill time. Then the torture team come along. 

“Kookie!” He’s sitting on the couch, taking a quick break between schedules when Park Jimin slides into his lap with what he can only classify as a purr. 

“Wha…” Jeongguk is naturally surprised to find himself with a lap full of Jimin, but sometimes Bangtan get touchy feely so he shakes this off mentally. 

“Psyched for dance practice?” Jimin turns to face him and at a loss, Jeongguk responds “Uh… not really?” 

“Aww what’s got Kookie down?” Jimin twists around on his lap to pinch his cheeks, and Jeongguk hates that. 

Jimin lifts his hands as if to pinch again, and Jeongguk automatically catches them with his own, holding them down. No way is he getting pinched a second time. 

Jimin looks past him for a moment, smirking, before making eye contact and raising his eyebrows. 

“Gonna let me go, Kookie?” 

Ignoring his first instinct, which is to realize him instantly and jump back, Jeongguk mutters “Only if you don’t pinch me.” 

Jimin smiles and gives him an innocent look, so Jeongguk lets his hands go and waits for Jimin to slide off. He doesn’t. 

“What are you doing?” Jeongguk asks, a bit tired of whatever this game is. 

“Nothing,” Jimin smiles, and he’s the worst liar ever. Looking past him again, Jimin decides to slide off and Jeongguk brushes it off as a weird moment and gets ready for practice. 

 

In the studio, he’s mildly surprised when Tae comes over and offers to help him stretch, since she normally stretches with Hoseok. He takes her up on it, hating how as a member of the dance line he’s expected to try to be able to do the splits. Taehyung, of course, can do the splits easily- all the girls learnt in their Sonyeodan-line dance classes. (Yoongi had been very vocal about how bullshit it was that she had to learn to do the splits even though Namjoon got a free pass.) 

They spread their legs, going toe to toe, and then Tae reaches in and this is the first hint he has that this was a bad idea. He suddenly realizes they’re going to be awfully close with their legs spread. Thank god he’s not that flexible, and they’re wearing clothes or else they’d pretty much be having sex. 

“C’mon Kookie!” Tae announces with more enthusiasm than he feels is warranted, and then he’s distracted from their closeness.

“Ow!” He grunts. 

“Someone hasn’t been stretching enough!” Tae singsongs, and her legs are as spread nearly straight out as she pulls him closer. His legs are fucking burning. She presses her forehead against his and murmurs “You’ll have to learn to breathe through the burn Kookie,” snickering. 

He blocks her out, trying to ignore his aching leg muscles, before what she says registers. 

“Did you just imply…” he mutters without thinking, and she lets out a peal of laughter. 

“Oh Kookie, what could I have possibly implied?” she smirks, before they switch to another stretch. Point to Tae. She lies on her back, one leg down and he helps press her other leg up and back. 

“Top or bottom, Kookie?” She grins, slightly breathlessly, as he jerks and accidentally pushes her leg up higher than he meant to. 

It’s while he’s looking away that he meets Seokjin’s eyes, and she’s looking at him and Tae half in amusement. Again he hears her words in his head-

_“They’re looking for your weak spots, and they think they’ve found them… You need to find out what will push them back…”_

Jeongguk wonders… was it a coincidence that Jimin sat on his lap earlier?

They swap over, and Tae helps push his legs back, grinning at him. Because he’s watching for it, he sees when she looks past him, at someone else, (at Jimin?) and smirks. He knew it. But what to do about it?

“You never answered Kookie, prefer top, or bottom?” Tae looks back down at him, grinning as she pushes his calf. He ignores the familiar ache and looks back at her. 

“Both are good, I guess,” he says as nonchalantly as he can manage. Tae’s grin widens appreciatively, vaguely surprised but welcoming his push back. 

By the time he’s face down on the floor, her sitting on his back pulling his arms back, she says “Where do you prefer me?” with a snicker. He pauses and waits until they swap over, then deliberately leans forward as he pulls her back, whispering in her ear “Where do you prefer me?”

He actually feels a shiver run through her, but begins letting her back down as they finish their stretches. He sees Jimin eyeing them carefully. Oh yes, those two were plotting. But how to come out on top? (On top. Damn it Taehyung!) 

They get through practice with him determinedly blocking everything else out until they finally finish, everyone gross and sweaty. 

When they pile back in the van, he’s depressed but not surprised to have missed the shower (at least they have two being a coed team- someone thought ahead) but by the time he finally makes it there, relieved and aching for the hot water, he’s surprised to see Jimin still around, only wearing a towel. 

“Hurry up man!” Jeongguk growls, because it’s his turn, damn it, and Jimin says “Go ahead,” coolly, but remains at the mirror. Is he… going to stay in the bathroom? Jeongguk looks at him uncertainly, but Jimin pays no attention. 

Jeongguk, tired, begins to slowly take off his outer clothes without any sign of Jimin departing. 

“Hey, come back later!” Jeongguk orders. 

“Hyung!” Jimin barks, before gazing at him coyly through the mirror. “Shy?” 

“What, you want a free show?” Jeongguk challenges. Jimin looks like he’s bordering on saying “Yes” but then shrugs and walks out of the bathroom, holding his breath. 

Weird. 

 

… 

 

After the shower, fully dressed, Jeongguk goes back to their room only to find Tae there. Only… 

“Woah…” Jeongguk says, startling Jimin, who is paused with his hand on Tae’s arse. 

“Am I interrupting?” Jeongguk asks in shock, feeling a curl of something unpleasant settle in his stomach. 

“Yep- we’re trying to work out who has a better arse. Come here Kookie,” Tae orders, before slapping her hand on Jimin’s arse. Jeongguk just stares. 

“Oi!” Jimin laughs. 

“Come here,” Tae orders imperiously, and somewhat incredulously, Jeongguk’s feet take him towards them. 

“We need a definitive answer,” Tae grabs his hands and the next thing he knows he has one hand on her and one hand on Jimin. His hands twitch reflexively, and he realizes he’s squeezing his bandmates’ arses. His brain goes offline.

“Well?” Tae asks him, wiggling a little. 

“Mine is better, right?” Jimin insists. 

They are soft. 

“Um… they’re both good?” he offers, and next minute he has two of their hands on him. 

“Hmm… good… but not as good as ours, right Taetae?” Jimin is actually massaging his arse. His hand is drawing circles on it. His brain shuts down even further, if possible.

“Definitely Chimchim!” Taehyung chimes, and they withdraw. 

“But we love you anyway,” she winks at him, and Jimin forms a heart with his hands.

"Who do you think is the best kisser?" Tae tilts her head to the side. 

"Me," Jimin decides. 

"Oh? I wonder if it would be our Kookie," Tae stares at him. There's a long, tension-filled pause where they all stare at each other. Jimin's gaze has dropped to his lips. 

"Oh well, I guess we'll never know!" Tae shrugs, and then says "Well, I'm going to bed, night!" and flounces out. 

They’re insane, Jeongguk thinks, and does not dream of them. Definitely not. 

 

… 

 

Next time they get a night off, they’re back on the rooftop, and this time he’s Kookie in the middle. They bought out an actual blanket and he’s lying with his hands folded under his head, Jimin and Tae using his torso as a pillow, stretched out either side. 

“Hey Jeonggukkie?” Taehyung asks rather solemnly, stretched out lazily. 

“Yeah?” He asks back, tilting his head to look at her. 

“Even though we tease you... we love you, you know?” She says seriously, and Jimin says “Awwww,” with a grin. 

“Shut it Chim Chim,” Tae barks, and he sees Jimin’s lips curve up as he says “Nah but seriously, I agree. We do love you Kookie!” and quick as a flash, sits up and kisses him on the cheek. Tae, not to be outdone, lightly kisses his other one, and then they lean back down, a solid comforting warmth. Tae’s already musing about Aliens and living on mars and what would it be like to be the last person on earth. (Jimin thinks it’s a boring topic.) 

And he knows that despite their goofing off, despite the teasing that threatens to turn him mad some days, they’ve got his back.

Not for the first time, Kim Seokjin's voice drifts into his consciousness and he listens. 

_You don’t need to do anything with this information, Jeongguk. You shouldn’t do anything you’re not ready for, no matter what._

He relaxes back a bit, just enjoying the gentle feel of them on either side of him. There's no pressure to decide what he wants to do just yet, he can take it slow. 

He’s got all the time in the world. 

 

… 

 

_Omake_

_“Sex ed… never again. Isn’t that what school is for? Also how old are they…” Namjoon groans._

_“That was hilarious,” Yoongi practically cackled, leaning back and rubbing her hands together._

_“No it wasn’t!” Namjoon and Hoseok protested simultaneously, the latter with his head in his hands._

_“I thought Kookie was going to cry,” Seokjin nods matter of factly, plaiting her hair idly._

_“I thought Joonie was going to cry,” Yoongi sticks out her tongue at Namjoon, who pouts at her._

_“Did you really need to tell Jimin about handcuffs?” Namjoon asks Yoongi, remembering the sheer horror on Jimin’s face._

_“What about me! I think Tae gave me the education!” moans Hoseok with a grimace._

_“Jeongguk will definitely be able to put on a condom,” Seokjin informs them seriously._

_“Unni you didn’t… the banana?!” Yoongi asks in delight, hunched over in her baggy jumper._

_“Taehyung told me she’d practiced with her mouth,” Hoseok seems to be in shock._

_“She’s having sex?!” Everyone is taken aback._

_“I asked her. She said ‘Not right now but I need to practice, duh!’” he replies miserably._

_“Good thing we didn’t delay,” Namjoon mutters, slightly freaked out, before remembering something._

_“Hey… Yoongi, how did you know about that thing with the handcuffs anyway?” Namjoon turns to face her._

_Yoongi flushes bright red and shuts up very quickly._

_Namjoon raises an eyebrow at her with a grin, suddenly not so embarrassed and happy to turn the tables. He sidles up to her, places his arm around her shoulders and leans in._

_“So Min Yoongi, let’s talk…”_

 

(Rawr.)

**Author's Note:**

> I discovered the SenderBangtan twitter. This shit is definitely going in future fics. Somehow. Also, this fic really did its own thing. Like, I don’t even know where I managed to pull this from. Maybe I will write a Leg Mon Tiger crackfic. I will try to tease less and maybe actually resolve these relationships in some way at some point. (*try*)
> 
> Onto more actual fic matters:  
> I sort of see coed character Yoongi as getting embarrassed and shy if the focus is on her, but merciless about others. I also see her talking a lot of bravado in general (she’s a rapper, man!) but being really private about her own persona life. 
> 
> Character Jeongguk is more awkward- Underage is a dealbreaker for me, so I aged him up to be an internationally 18 young adult growing… but then there’s the inconsistency of an adult being so innocent still. Then again, plenty of people have sex post-18, and it’s not like character Jeongguk is ignorant about the birds and the bees, usually just not used to it being so blatant! (In regards to attitudes of sex/sexual discussions etc. parallells between Jeongguk and Yoongi here I guess! I see those two as generally similar in terms of a more reserved personality. Tae and Jimin also have similar cheeky skeazy dispositions in my mind, Hoseok & Jin dark horses, Namjoon some kind of hybrid- chill with his friends but dorky, embarrassed with strangers or maknae line involved. 
> 
> Anyhow, I figured Jeongguk might be able to keep a semblance of innocence by being a rather private person, constrained by dorms/BigHit/ stalking netizens as well as having a solid wariness of being a sex symbol from a young age for aforementioned, often creepy netizens, of which, I guess, I am one since I’m writing a story about a fictional character based on him… awkward hey? 
> 
> P.S. Seokjin totally cheated on the dice to get Jeongguk, so she could help him even the odds. She’s both cruel and kind simultaneously. 
> 
> I was unsure where I might go (I had OT7, then Namjoon x Yoongi in mind originally, then Maknae line…) but right now I’m really feeling elder line BTS poly… hmmm. HMMMM. 
> 
> Also I wasn’t sure whether to put the sections in italics in- I thought they were really needed for the story, even if they weren’t from Jeongguk’s POV. 
> 
> Also, I TOTALLY REFERENCED THAT AWFUL FIC WHERE … better not spoil it. That awful space one. Just… ugh. So … Wae?! It’s like certain people just cannot bloody manage to stay alive in this fandom. Also, I am so derrpy I miss literally every clue and outright statement about what will happen in the future and so am inevitably horrifyingly surprised by terrible fics. 
> 
> Mesdames et messieurs, your thoughts?


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